Have you ever discovered that what you thought you needed wasn't actually what you were meant to receive? If you're someone walking through disappointment, closed doors, or dreams that didn't unfold as planned, this story will show you how life sometimes gives us exactly what we need in ways we never imagined.
A few weeks ago at church, a 5-year-old reminded me that families aren't always built the way we expect—and that's not always a tragedy.
"He sets the lonely in families." - Psalm 68:6
The Dream That Wouldn't Come True
For 10 years, my wife and I tried to have children. The monthly cycle of hope and heartbreak became our unwanted routine. Procedures failed. Treatments didn't work. Eventually, my wife needed a total hysterectomy due to endometriosis complications, and our dream of biological children officially ended.
During those difficult years, I often wondered what kind of father I would have been. My wife grew up with three sisters and always wanted a son. I grew up with a brother and always wanted a daughter—someone I could walk down the aisle someday.
It seemed like a dream that would never be fulfilled.
Enter Eddie and His Family
Eddie has been my best friend since I was 16 and he was 17. For over 20 years, we've trained together in Tae Kwon Do through sweat, tears, blood, and laughs. He and his wife Joanna have two children who have become an unexpected gift in our lives.
His firstborn son, Elias, now 10, has a special relationship with my wife. She babysat him when he was 1 for an entire year while Joanna went back to school. Watching my wife care for him filled a space in her heart that our infertility had left empty.
His second-born daughter, Mabel, now 5, somehow claimed me as hers. I would carry her in my arms until she fell asleep when they'd visit. She started calling me "my Dae Kyu"—using my actual given name, not just "uncle" or a title, showing the personal, intimate bond we'd built.
The Moment That Changed Everything
At church, when Mabel saw me, she called out "Dae Kyu, Dae Kyu, Dae Kyu!" and came running. She wrapped her arms around my neck in one of her signature squeezing hugs and said, "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you."
In that moment, my heart was completely full.
Here I was, a man who thought he'd never hear a child say they missed him, receiving those exact words with such pure joy and affection. Not from the biological child I'd planned for, but from a little girl who had chosen me as her own.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights." - James 1:17
The Beautiful Irony
The irony wasn't lost on me: my wife had always wanted a son, and she got to pour her motherly love into Elias during his most formative early years. I had always wanted a daughter to love and protect, and Mabel runs to me with the kind of pure affection every father hopes for.
God gave us children—just not in the way we expected.
The Unexpected Family Framework
Through this journey, I've learned that families are built in ways we never anticipate:
Step 1: Release the Picture, Embrace the Purpose
- Your original plan might not be wrong, just incomplete
- Sometimes what we think we need isn't what we're meant to receive
- Open your hands to let go of one dream so you can receive another
Step 2: Recognize Love in Unexpected Packages
- Family isn't always about biology—it's about connection and choice
- Children who need your love might not share your DNA
- The heart doesn't distinguish between planned and surprise blessings
Step 3: Invest Fully in What's Given
- Don't treat substitute relationships as "less than"
- Pour your whole heart into the love that's available right now
- Some of life's greatest gifts come disguised as consolation prizes
Step 4: Find Your Village
- It takes a village to raise children—and to heal childless hearts
- Look for the children already in your circle: nephews, nieces, friends' kids
- Sometimes becoming "family" is a choice both sides make organically
The Gift Hidden in Loss
As someone who has authored "Mindset Metamorphosis" while walking through multiple losses, I can tell you that some of life's most beautiful surprises come wrapped in our deepest disappointments.
My wife and I don't look like every couple with kids, but we feel the love. We experience the joy of children running to us, the pride of watching them grow, the warmth of being missed when we're away.
When Mabel won an award at school, she walked past her parents to hug me first. When I visit their home, she says "I go to your house" and when I say "not today," she responds with "But I love you."
These aren't biological children, but they are ours in every way that matters to the heart.
Your Unexpected Gift
Right now, you might be grieving a dream that didn't come true, a door that didn't open, a plan that didn't unfold as expected. You might be wondering if you'll ever experience the love, purpose, or fulfillment you thought you were meant to have.
Here's what I want you to know: sometimes life's greatest gifts don't come through the front door we're watching. They slip in through side windows, wearing different clothes than we expected, speaking different languages than we planned for.
The question isn't whether you'll get exactly what you originally wanted. The question is whether you'll have eyes to see the beautiful alternatives life is already placing in your path.
What unexpected gift might be waiting in your disappointment? What love might be available to you right now that doesn't look like what you ordered?
When you're ready, here's how I can help you:
Purchase my book "Mindset Metamorphosis"—the complete guide to transforming your thinking and taking action for a better life, written during my wife's cancer treatment when I needed to find meaning in unwanted circumstances.
Remember: Feed your mind. Fuel your actions. Find your fire.
DK Kang
Author | Wellness Advocate | Plant-Based Athlete | LMT
dk@dkkang.com
www.dkkang.com
