Grit, Gratitude, & Grace Newsletter

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1 Insight From Me

January 2024. Wife diagnosed with cancer. I had a choice—two ways to respond.

The first way: Let it destroy me. Let the diagnosis become my identity. Let fear paralyze every decision. This would have been the easier path, honestly. No one would blame me.

The second way: Let it refine me. Use the crisis as a laboratory for learning what I'm actually capable of. Let adversity teach me something.

I chose the second way. Not because I'm special. But because I realized something important:

Adversity doesn't reveal your strength. It builds it.

Most people think resilience is something you're born with. You either have it or you don't. But that's not true. Resilience is a skill. And like all skills, you build it through practice.

The adversity quotient (AQ) is a concept researcher Paul Stoltz developed. It measures how well you respond to hardship—not how much hardship you face, but how you metabolize it.

Your AQ is measured on four dimensions:

Control: Do you feel you have agency in your response to adversity? (Jan 2024 me: "I can't control cancer, but I can control how I show up for Florena.")

Origin: Do you see the adversity as temporary or permanent? (Jan 2024 me: "This season is hard, but it's not forever.")

Reach: Do you compartmentalize the crisis or let it bleed into everything? (Jan 2024 me: "Florena's cancer is serious, but it's not my whole life—I still show up to interviews, still be her husband, still be me.")

Endurance: Do you believe you can outlast the challenge? (Jan 2024 me: "We will survive this. We will come out different, but we will come out.")

In 2024, every time I made a choice that aligned with these four dimensions, my AQ got stronger. Every difficult conversation, every resilient decision, every time I showed up scared—that built my adversity quotient.

Your AQ isn't fixed. It's trainable. And the only way to train it is through adversity.

By July 2024, I wasn't the same person I was in January. Not because the adversity had passed (it hadn't). But because I'd consciously chosen to let it strengthen me instead of break me.

2 Quotes

"The ultimate measure of our lives is not how much we earn, accomplish, or gain, but how we respond when life doesn't go according to plan." - Paul Stoltz

II.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." - Romans 5:3-4 (NIV)

1 Challenge

The AQ Self-Assessment

This week, think about a current difficulty you're facing. Rate yourself 1-10 on each dimension:

Control: "How much agency do I have in my response to this?"

Origin: "Is this temporary or am I treating it as permanent?"

Reach: "Have I compartmentalized this or am I letting it bleed into everything?"

Endurance: "Do I believe I can outlast this challenge?"

Your score shows your current AQ on this challenge. Want to strengthen it? Focus on the dimension where you scored lowest.

Remember: Feed your mind. Fuel your actions. Find your fire. 🔥

Want more frameworks like this? My book Mindset Metamorphosis includes the complete adversity quotient system with frameworks for building resilience on all four dimensions.